mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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