Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
She tied me up with her honor cords...
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
