I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
