I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
