i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Randomize