Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
