I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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