We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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