Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
