New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
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