i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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