I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
