Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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