We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
