I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
