So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
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