i don't plan on having that self control this summer
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
