Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
True strength comes from lack of pants
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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