So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
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