i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
