how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
