I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Randomize
