pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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