i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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