There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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