matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
