clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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