Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Randomize
