Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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