You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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