apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
All the doctor said was why
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
