it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
