Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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