you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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