It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
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