apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Randomize