We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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