Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
