Can i not drive my cunt home
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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