you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize