Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
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