i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
