got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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