I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
