I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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