just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
