apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
