Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
