ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Randomize
