the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I just had sex on a roof
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize