Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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