are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
