how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
you made out with another girl for some wings
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
