How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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