and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
