ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I should be sponsored by Trojan
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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