I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
