Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I want her autograph on my taint
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
