found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
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