Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
