tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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