I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I forget how to act sober
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
