The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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