I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
